The tracks are lain and the speeding train that is Donald Trump is Headed to the RNC to Cleveland for a 4 day introduction.

Both Bill Maher (Real Time) and Stephen Colbert (The Late Show) will be covering the antics live. HBO’s Real Time can be seen for free on YouTube for this special coverage.

As for the speakers the RNC had more trouble than usual finding people willing to step into the spotlight to support Trump. But, America is the home of the Jerry Springer Show so they found some famous names.

Monday night’s Headliners are Melania (Trump’s wife), some Benghazi fighters, Parents of people killed by immigrants, former NY mayor Rudy Giuliani ( taking time off his It’s All Black People’s Fault tour). Scott Baio Tiger Beat cover model and Happy Days star, Duck Dynasty pseudo redneck Willie Robertson and soap opera actor Antonio Sabato Jr.

Tuesday brings in Trump’s Children, fellow stooges Ben Carson and Chris Christy, Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan will try to hold down their lunches, and president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship Dana White will throw a chair at somebody.

Wednesday Mike Pence the VP pick will make sure no homo’s snuck in, Canadian and winner of the most punchable face award Ted Cruz will cry, Marco Rubio will chug four gallons of water before DNC security has him deported, Scott Walker will then remind everybody that he used to be running for president too, then Newt and Callista Gingrich will practice the maniacal laugh. Oh, and Trump’s Children will kill and skin a lion on stage.

Thursday “the big night” dangerous Monsanto Chemical run amuck Reince Priebus will address the crowd. Jerry Falwell Jr will lead a round of evangelical bible trivia. Some of the speakers have not been announced yet so look for one or two more stars I am guessing Gary Busey and Meatloaf. For the finale a bikini clad Ivanka Trump will introduce her father.

Enjoy the festivities. I hope Nobody gets hurt (except Ted Cruz).