Monday night The DNC takes to the stage in Philly to begin the 4-day coronation ceremony of its leader Hillary Clinton.

The theme Monday is United Together. All eyes will be on Michelle Obama as she speaks about the importance of a strong nuclear family unit just like the Clintons have. Prostitutes and Interns will not be mentioned at all nor will trips to pedophile island in the Caribbean, so it won’t be as colorful as it could be. Michelle is a pro and can pull it off.   Next Bernie Sanders will be brought out in chains and be burned alive. the crowd will chant, “Burn Burnie Burn” Lastly Astrid Silva the Dreamer will share her heart warming story of struggle to achieve the American Dream, causing the crowd to shed tears of joy that extinguish Bernie.

Tuesday is A Lifetime of Working for Children and Families. Bill Clinton hits the stage to talk about all Hillary has done while scoping the crowd for the “lookers” to privately counsel later on his domestic policy. Mothers of the Movement will come out to say that they wish Hillary had done more than incarcerate merely 1/3 of young African American men so that their children would be alive today behind bars.

Wednesday is Working Together night. Barack Obama and Joe Biden will do their Who’s on first routine to thunderous applause and chants of “4 more years!”

Thursday Stronger Together. Chelsea Clinton will speak and parade her two children around in order to humanize her mother. Then Hillary Herself will be lowered to the stage in a red and gold pantsuit and be crowned Queen.

Absent is of course DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz, but this has nothing to do with the 19,200 leaked e-mails. She just has an appointment with the hair dresser on those nights.