I have to admit I find it a little demeaning when my own irrational fear of something does not even merit an official Latin name. There is Scopophobia fear of drawing attention to yourself. Phlebotomy is the fear of drawing blood. But alas there is no fancy phobia name for my fear of drawing.

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In my normal life it was never really an issue. As a teacher I would sometimes draw pictures on the whiteboard to illustrate a point and the students seemed to enjoy laughing at my attempts. With my freelance teaching work drying up/ or being sabotaged by former family members, I have turned to wood working. Yes, I have written about this before. I just finished a table which I hope to sell, and a wall art whale before that. The whale has not sold but, I was told by a parent of one of my younger students that if I could produce more local animals like my whale, he might be able to get my pieces sold as original art for hotel rooms or furnished office spaces.

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So today, I set out to make a gecko. I laid out my boards and froze unable to make the next move. I moved to the computer, typed in “gecko stencils” and stared blankly at the screen. After about an hour of staring at the stencils I thought I might try sketching a few geckos out on paper fist. I could scarcely even sketch out the head of a gecko (just the outline) which is simply a kind of a spade shape without utterly disgusting myself for my lack of talent.

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I’ll keep at it because I have to ( need money) and I hope it gets easier with time. But in the meantime, I am just stuck with my phobia without a name.